omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
