Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
