omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
