I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
