I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
