I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
