No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
