i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
