I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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