so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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