I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
