Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
