it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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