Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
