Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i will never coherently bang her
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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