You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
how drunk are you?
Several
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
