Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
