i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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