Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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