Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
