His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
