i permit you to call me
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
