upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
