im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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