Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
