seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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