I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
