sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just want to make out with him forever
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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