i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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