Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
