He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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