True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
