Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
