He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
