Just cropdusted the office
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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