Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
