question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
