I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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