ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
