I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
