At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
