i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So many bounce houses so little time
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize