Your dad touched me again.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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