toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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