why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
