Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
