hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
