Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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