she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
