I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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