you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
Itβs like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize