a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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