shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
