Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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