The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
