I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
