I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize