It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
