how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I love having hate sex.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
