The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
