This dress was meant to end up on your floor
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
