The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
