Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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