I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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