overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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