We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
