I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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