TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize