or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
