Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
