well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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