Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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