Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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