On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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