It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
