I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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