Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Naked Twister starts at high noon
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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