It was confusing and full of hummus
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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